The Big Book of Boy Stuff Read online

  Aren’t You Glad You Use Sundials?

  Some people can tell the time by just looking at the sun, but even when I wear sunglasses, I can never see its numbers!

  You Need:

  a pencil

  clay or Playdoh

  a flowerpot

  a wooden stick (like a chopstick)

  You know not to look at the sun, but there are ways to tell the time from the sun without looking at it! People have used sundials for thousands of years to tell time. To learn one way, take a blob of clay and stick it in the bottom of your flowerpot. Then put your stick into the clay so that it stands straight up. It should stick up about 3 inches over the rim of the flowerpot; if it doesn’t, get a longer stick or a smaller pot!

  To “set” your sundial, you need to put it in a place where the pot will be in the sun all day. Find a good area for it; once you set it, don’t move it again. Now, at the top of every hour, make a mark on the edge of the pot where the stick’s shadow is. Write down what time it is on the edge at that spot!

  It may take a couple of days to get all the hours marked, but once you have, your sundial will be a pretty reliable clock that you made yourself!

  *If you ever make a sundial in the classic shape, make sure that the piece that casts a shadow is pointing due north. Use a compass or just point it at the North Star.

  Messin’ with the Homeys on the Three-way

  This works best if one of your friends calls you. You can have a three-way conversation with just one person! This is a great way to kill some time and have some laughs. Although it sounds simple, it works like a charm, and once you start doing it, you can’t stop!

  You Need:

  a regular phone

  some acting ability

  Your friend Ty calls you up and you’re talking with him. Suddenly, your friend hears somebody else in the room with you. This new person doesn’t seem to like Ty very much. From his end of the phone, Ty can hear the person who is with you say, “Is that Ty? I need to talk to that jerk! He owes me money!”

  Naturally Ty wants to know who is there, but you just apologize for the interruption and keep talking. You might even tell the person in the room with you, “Look, it’s not even Ty, okay? Just take it easy.”

  If course, you are that other person in the room. To make it seem like someone else is there, all you have to do is turn the phone receiver away from your mouth and extend your arm all the way away from you. Now turn your head in the opposite direction of the phone and yell out your comments. Don’t try to disguise your voice very much; just yell.

  This works best if you do your yelling while Ty is saying something on the other line. Then quickly pull the phone back in and speak in a conversational tone. If you think this is too simple to work very well, try it. It works like a Charm!

  Land of Tattoos

  Tattoos are fun, but the problem is that you eventually get tired of them. This is why many adults who get tattoos either have the tattoo removed or keep getting more and more of them. Temporary tattoos are the way to go, but sticker tattoos are for wussies. Here are a couple of ways to get tattoos that will be your own design.

  Sun Tattoos

  Here comes the sun...and it’s going to tattoo you!

  You Need:

  the sun

  a permanent marker

  some sunscreen (optional)

  Method A

  Use a permanent marker to draw your design on your belly, arms, legs, or back. After the ink dries, put on sunscreen and go have fun in the sun!

  When you are done in the sun, soak some cotton balls in rubbing alcohol and clean off the marker ink. Voilà! There is a light tattoo of your design! If you don’t like it, just go out in the sun some more and tan over it! If you do like it, keep using marker on the design before going outside.

  Method B

  Create your design, and then draw it on your body with a sunscreen that has a high SPF number (30 and higher should work.) This method is easier to clean up after, although it is harder to draw the tattoo with.

  Painted Tattoos

  Just paint yourself and then hang out with some bikers!

  You Need:

  tempera paints (dry or wet)

  small bowls

  lotion

  cotton swabs or paintbrushes

  If your tempera paints are wet, just put the different colors into different bowls. If they are dry, put some lotion in the bowls first, then mix the tempera paint color into it until it looks right.

  Once the colors are ready, start painting yourself! You can use cotton swabs, paintbrushes, or your fingers to make designs. Cover your face completely with designs! Go native! Take pictures!

  Freak Face

  If you want to get absolutely wacky and you don’t mind a little discomfort, try this!

  You Need:

  school-supply-style rubber cement

  a crazy attitude

  a willingness to have a red face for an hour or so after the activity

  (Do NOT use Krazy Glue, model glue, or Elmer’s Glue for this activity; use rubber cement ONLY.)

  This should be done in front of a mirror. Take the rubber cement. Apply a 1- to 2-inch band of it around your mouth, starting about 1/4-inch from your lips. Let it dry a little. Now turn your lips inside out and stick them to the rubber cement. You will be amazed at the effect!

  The rubber cement will stick to itself, your lips will be flipped, and you will look completely insane! Try not to talk while you wander around scaring people, or your lips will come undone. When you’re done, gently pry your lips off your face and wash with soap and warm water.

  If you don’t want to do your whole mouth the first time you try this, just do your upper or lower lip to get a feel for it.

  Secret Message Man

  If you don’t know how to write in invisible ink yet, here’s how to do it!

  You Need:

  white paper

  a mirror

  Method A (easy)

  Get out a pad of paper and stand in front of a mirror. Practice writing while looking at the message in the mirror. It will seem weird at first because you will be writing backwards; the mirror reverses everything!

  If you find this too hard, just sit down to write. Write your message in regular writing first. Then carefully write it on a separate sheet in reverse! Remember that everything must be reversed; the last word of the sentence becomes the first. The word is spelled backwards and written backwards. A d should look like a b. Once you’re done writing your secret message, nobody will be able to read it...except for someone who holds it up to a mirror (or who is dyslexic!).

  If this gives you trouble, take a piece of paper and rub a layer of dark crayon or pencil lead on it. Then take another sheet of paper, set it on the colored sheet, and write with a ballpoint pen or sharpened pencil. The message’s reverse imprint will show up on the back.

  Method B (not hard)

  You Need:

  a raw potato

  Take the potato and cut it in half. Using the cut end, write a message on the bathroom mirror. (I’ve always liked messages like “Prepare to die!”) The message is invisible. BUT when someone takes a shower next, the message will show up on the mirror because of the steam! Whoohoo!

  Method C (not much harder)

  You Need:

  lemon juice (or milk)

  a small glass or jar

  a cotton swab

  white paper

  First, pour the liquid into your glass. Mmmm, lemony! Now just dip the cotton swab into the liquid and then use the swab to write your message on the white paper. Re-dip the swab into the liquid if it dries out.

  Let your writing dry out; it should become invisible. When you are ready to read the message, hold it up to a strong light or fire; the words will magically appear! Another way to get the message to appear is to have an adult use an iron at low temperature to “iron” the piece of paper. Because lemon juice and milk darken when heated, the message shows up.


  *If you ever want to read someone else’s message in a sealed envelope, spray the envelope with hair spray. It works pretty well!

  The Snorer

  Re-create the adventure of snoring while still awake!

  You Need:

  a pocketknife

  1 piece of wood about 8-inches

  long,

  2-inches wide, and 1/4-inch thick

  some string

  If you have ever wanted to imitate the sound a snoring person makes, this is your lucky day! Take your pocketknife out and cut notches into the side edges of the wood. Then whittle the end to a point and bore or cut a hole there that you can run some string through. Tie the string off and leave about 3 feet to use as a handle. Then take it outside and spin it around your head in a circle. It should sound like a lumberjack in a coma!

  *For a person to snore, gravity must pull down parts of the mouth and throat, which makes them vibrate. Astronauts report that in outer space, nobody snores.

  Intruder Alert

  How to make your own burglar alarm.

  You Need:

  wood glue

  Alarm A

  4 small blocks of wood

  2 small cans

  some marbles

  Alarm B

  screw eye or an L-shaped metal bracket

  a bell

  some string

  a staple gun

  a piece of stiff wire

  Here are two different ways to warn yourself that an intruder is coming in your room. Whether it’s little Timmy from down the street or a mean guy with a big knife, it’s nice to have advance warning!

  Method A

  For the first method, glue or screw the blocks of wood onto the door as the illustration shows. Make sure that 1) They are wide enough to hold the cans, and 2) One can is high and close enough to tilt its marbles into the other one. Make sure you get this right!

  Once your mounts are set, screw in the screw eye. Run a tightly wound string around the doorknob, through the screw eye and into the upper can (which has marbles in it). You may want to put additional blocking around the upper can so that it doesn’t simply fall off its mount when pulled by the string.

  Method B

  The second method is even easier. Screw your L-shaped metal bracket into the wall near the door. Hang your bell from it with the string. Staple a piece of stiff wire (like from a coat hanger) so that it lines up with the bell. Voilà! When the door opens, the bell is rung and you can be out the window before your mom can set down the milk and cookies!

  Fort Building

  You’ve made forts out of the usual pillows and cardboard boxes. Now it is time for the ultimate fort!

  You Need:

  newspaper

  Godzilla

  grocery bags

  tape

  Igloo

  100 or more empty, clean milk jugs

  duct tape

  Godzilla-style Fort

  Take about a dozen sheets of newspaper and crumple them into paper balls. (Don’t squish them too tightly.) Now fill a paper bag about 3/4 of the way up with the paper balls. Make sure to fill it evenly, but don’t wad them down into the bag.

  Now neatly fold the top of the paper bag over and tape it shut. You should now have a large, light block. Make about ten more of these and start building. These are perfect for making large structures that you want to walk through and destroy, like King Kong or Godzilla!

  Igloo-style Fort

  To do this, you’ll need a lot of plastic jugs...like, 100 or more. If your neighborhood recycles (like they should!), it will be easy to get some jugs from your neighbors. Make sure to wash them out so your igloo doesn’t stink.

  Take 20 of the milk jugs and make a circle with them. The tops should face inward, the ends should face outward. Then remove 4 or 5 of the jugs from one spot. (This will be the bottom of your door.) Tape the jugs that are left in the semicircle together with duct tape. If you want a huge igloo, make the circle bigger. If you want a smaller igloo, start with 15 jugs.

  Now, put another row of jugs on top of the first row. But bring it in a little bit, so that this row comes inward toward the inside of the circle. Tape them together and leave room for the door. Keep going for 5 or so rows. Each row should come inward and use less jugs than the one before it.

  When you get to the 6th or 7th row, close over the top of the door. When you get to the very top, just tape that last jug in place, and be cool in your igloo. Ice, ice, baby!

  *If you decide to tear the igloo down later, just untape and recycle it!

  Follow-Up Activity

  Are you kidding me? You want a follow-up activity for a chapter called “Activities”? That would be “Hyper-Activity”!

  Dogs and Others!

  Animals are the best. This chapter will focus on domesticated animals. These are the animals that make great pets. There are turtles, fish, mice, guinea pigs, cats, saltwater crocodiles, and many others. (Actually, I am just kidding about the cats.) I only have space to write about a few of these animals, so this chapter will focus on the one species of animal on the planet that has more varieties than any other.

  I am talking, of course, about dogs.

  Boys love dogs! Dogs are loyal, brave, friendly, and a pain in the butt, just like you! But before you get a dog of your own, there is something you have to do. Don’t get a dog.

  That’s right, don’t get a dog. Dogs live a long time, sometimes 15 years or more. If you can’t commit to taking care of a dog for that long, DON’T GET A DOG. If your family is not going to help you take care of it, DON’T GET A DOG. If you can’t commit to giving the dog love, food, and exercise every day of its life, DON’T GET A DOG! If you’re going to be one of those jerks who ties his dog up all day, or ignores the dog as it barks at anything that moves because it’s bored out of its mind, then DON’T GET A DOG!!

  Okay, I’ve calmed down. If you are responsible and your family can keep a dog happy, then think about getting a dog. Should you get a male or female dog? Some people think that females are more obedient and easier to handle. Some people are wrong. Just think about your sister (or any girl) and you’ll see what I mean. What about the dog’s age? Remember that if you get a puppy, that means you have to clean up the puppy’s dookie. You have to train the puppy and keep your temper when he chews up your best baseball trading cards. D’oh!

  Save a dog’s life. There are lots of adult dogs at your local animal shelter that already need a home. The beauty of it is, most of these dogs are already housebroken! You can see their personality, plus the dog will be incredibly grateful to you. That’s because about 60 percent of the dogs at your local animal shelter eventually end up being “put to sleep.” Like I said, you really can save a life by getting a dog at the animal shelter.

  Dogs come in so many sizes and personalities, you really need to do some homework to pick the right type for you. But the animal shelter has all kinds. Go take a look. If you get a puppy, make sure the puppy is more than 8 weeks old.

  Think about the size of your home and your yard when getting your dog, and be sure to ask the breeder or animal shelter worker a lot of questions before bringing home a dog. They should have questions for you, too.

  Okay, so now you have a dog. Time to name it, right? Well, hold on a second! If you are going to name a dog (or even a cat), be original! Here is a list of the most popular names for dogs and cats in the United States. DON’T USE ANY OF THESE! Millions of pets already have these names: Max, Sam, Lady, Bear, Smokey, Shadow, Kitty, Molly, Buddy, Brandy, Ginger, Baby, Misty, Missy, Pepper, Jake, Bandit, Tiger (or Tigger), Samantha, Lucky, Muffin (or Muffy), Princess, Maggie, Charlie, Sheba, Rocky, Patches, Rusty, Buster, Casey, Sadie, Riley, and Midnight. Believe it or not, Fido and Rover don’t get used much. Hey, here’s an idea: If you get a dog that has bad breath a lot, just call it a “Germy shepherd”! (Sorry about that.)

  Okay, now your dog has a name. What else? Well, maybe we should just ask the dog!

  A Very Spe
cial Message from Your Dog to You

  Hey, it’s me. Why are you surprised? Heck, you taught me to speak, so why is it so amazing that I can write? Anyway, the nice man who wrote this book asked me to pass along a few things to you, so why don’t you try listening to me for once, huh, punk? (This is fun! Ruff!)

  First of all, thank you for not tying me up in the backyard all day and night, like the people who live down the street do with their dog. That only makes a dog feel isolated and depressed...kind of how you would feel if you were tied up and all alone!

  I do have a few bones to pick with you, though. You know how you sometimes yell at me for barking at cats and the mail carrier? I just wanted to remind you that I’M A DOG! It’s what I do!

  Back to the “thank-yous.” I really appreciate the fact that you trained me well. It sure saved my life the time I saw a cat (GRRR!) on the other side of that busy street. I would have been a goner if you hadn’t yelled, “Stay!” and I knew what to do. Thanks again!

  Now for a question: You know how you say, “Shake” and I shake your hand? Well, here’s a news flash: WE’VE MET ALREADY! Would you go up to your human friends every time you see them and say, “Shake”? They would think you were a nutcake!