The Big Book of Girl Stuff Read online

  If you want to scare her, say: “I took your black lipstick.”

  Likes: Candles. Tim Burton movies. Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. Ann Rice.

  Dislikes: Bright colors, pink candy hearts, khakis, and daylight. And no sports, ever!

  Interesting Fact: Goths get their name from an ancient tribe of German barbarians who actually did not wear much black. They preferred animal furs and turtleneck sweaters.

  Funny Girl

  Anytime you need the mood lightened, she’s the one to have around.

  Attitude: She can make fun of almost anything!

  Nicknames: The Class Clown.

  Trademark Line: “Hahahahahaha. Oh, HA!”

  Likes: Funny girl is never too shy or embarrassed to make silly faces or dance in front of the class. She laughs at herself if she is the butt of a joke, or even if she is in a bit of trouble with the teacher.

  Dislikes: People who don’t laugh at her Funny Girl jokes.

  Interesting Fact: Because Funny Girl is often thinking of the next funny thing she’s going to say, she’s not always the best listener.

  The Drama Queen

  Life is so much more exciting with the Drama Queen around. For her, the world is a stage, and she will make every scene in her life thrilling and theatrical.

  Attitude: The Drama Queen wants information about everybody! When you see her in the hallway, she will be walking next to a friend and downloading dirt about “who did what to whom.”

  Trademark Line: “I shouldn’t say anything, but . . .”

  Nicknames: The Inside Scoop, The Grapevine.

  Likes: Exaggerating and freaking out, no matter what the topic is: “Oh my GOD, I love gum! It’s SOOO good!”

  Disturbing Fact: Since the Drama Queen will say bad things about other people behind their backs, remember that she will probably say bad things about you behind your back.

  Useful Fact: Because the Drama Queen loves drama, she will create the drama herself if there seems to be a shortage.

  The Leader Who Makes a Difference

  She’s going to be part of the solution!

  Attitude: Go, go, go! The Leader Who Makes a Difference isn’t bossy; instead she leads by example.

  Trademark Line: “Let’s do it!”

  Nicknames: President [insert-her-name-here].

  Likes: Devoted to making the world a better place, the Leader is going to house the homeless, feed the foodless, and clothe the . . . never mind.

  Dislikes: People who are downers.

  Interesting Fact: The Leader might be more of an authority figure for her friends than their own teachers or parents. This isn’t a bad thing. Dedicated Leaders are actually sincere, which is one reason they’re so special.

  The Boy-Crazy Guy Magnet

  Some girls prefer to hang out with guys.

  Attitude: Boys rule.

  Fashion: Whatever jacket her current boyfriend has.

  Trademark Line: “Oh look, there’s Mark! Gotta go!”

  Interesting Fact: The Boy-Crazy Guy Magnet is somebody who doesn’t like to be alone.

  Strange Fact: Although you may be surprised, the Boy-Crazy Guy Magnet may be unhappy that she doesn’t have more girlfriends. A girl who is really boy-crazy might still be finding her own identity.

  The Silent Genius

  If a brain surgeon and a rocket scientist had kids, this is the result!

  Attitude: The Silent Genius likes to observe the world around her; she may take notes in a journal or doodle artwork compulsively. Whether she gets good grades or not, she has her own brilliant insights.

  Fashion: The Silent Genius often doesn’t care about fashion at all.

  Nicknames: Study-aholic, Brainiac.

  Likes: The Silent Genius may focus on schoolwork or her own creative projects as opposed to being social.

  Fun Fact: By concentrating on her mind and education while young, the Silent Genius is often the most successful girl later in life.

  The Cling-On

  Static electricity has nothing on her.

  Attitude: It’s hard for a girl to know where she belongs in middle school and high school. Because of this, some girls end up trying way too hard to stick with a social group.

  Aliases: The Agreeing Machine, the Wanna-Be, the Copy Cat, the Yes Girl.

  Clothing: What’s everyone else wearing?

  Least Favorite Holiday: Independence Day

  Trademark Line: “What are you guys talking about? Where are you going? Can I come?”

  Good to Know: Because of her social insecurity, it is easy to be tough on the Cling-On. Don’t be. She may be cool one-on-one; give her a chance to show her real personality.

  *Studies really do show that the social groups girls are in will eventually play a huge role on their grades. Who you hang out with will influence how hard you work at your education.

  The Imaginary Friend

  When the pressures of having actual friends are too much, just make up your own!

  Attitude: Should be pretty good. After all, if the Imaginary Friend has a bad attitude, it’s your fault!

  Note Writing TIP: If you write your Imaginary Friend any notes, it is usually better to use invisible ink, so nobody who’s “real” thinks you’re nutty.

  Fun Fact: Imaginary Friends don’t argue much. If your imaginary friend does argue with you, it may be time to end the friendship. If you’re not sure how to do this, just use your imagination.

  Best Friend Test

  So, she’s your best friend, huh? We’ll see about that right now!

  1. When is her birthday?

  2. What makes her really mad?

  3. What is her favorite food?

  4. Where was she born?

  5. What is her middle name?

  6. If she could be an animal, what kind would she be?

  7. What is her blood type? (JK)

  8. Who does she want to marry?

  9. What does she want to be when she grows up?

  10. How many pairs of socks does she own?

  After checking with your friend to see how you did, see the scoring guide below!

  SCORING:

  1-3 correct: Liar! You don’t even know her!

  4-6 correct: You might be her good friend, but her BEST friend?

  7-9 correct: You ARE her best friend!

  10 correct: You are either a genius or a stalker!

  The Friend You Should Make Today

  It’s easy to look at people and pick apart what’s wrong with them. If it seems like everyone has something wrong with them, that’s because it’s true! There are no perfect people, so judging them by their outside image is judging them unfairly.

  Only about half of all girls say they liked their best friends the first time they met them. This means that half of all girls didn’t like their best friends when they first met! If you get to know any “type” of girl, you start understanding how unique she is. She’s not weird, she’s funny. Or maybe she’s not stuck on herself, she’s just shy. You’ll never know unless you give her a chance.

  Sisterhood is powerful! Try to think good thoughts towards other girls, even if those girls are really different than you. Growing up is tough for everybody. If girls stuck up for each other more and dissed each other less, you know the world would be a much better place.

  “One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.”

  —Hasidic proverb

  Cliques (pronounced “clicks”) and Popularity

  Social groups, or “cliques,” are never more important to a girl’s world than during 5th through 8th grades. Cliques do exist in high school, college, and even the adult world, but it’s in middle school that girls start to get used to the idea of being in a social group.

  Maybe you don’t need that many friends. Having one best friend keeps things simple, because you don’t have to spend a lot of time figuring out what to do together. On the other hand, if you have two best friends, the three of you will always have something to talk abou
t . . . namely, each other!

  But if you have a lot of friends, things will always be complicated and they’ll never be boring! Girls like the security of being in a group at a time when everything seems topsy-turvy. But hanging out with a group of friends often brings up issues of popularity, both within the group and with other groups. Popularity (whatever that is!) often belongs to the girls who are most admired or most feared (or both!).

  You may think that you’re not in a clique. And maybe you’re right! But if you’ve had the same group of friends for a long time, that’s pretty much what a clique is.

  But cliques aren’t necessarily bad. A clique can be a blessing because growing up is tough to do, and it’s nice to have the support of good friends who are going through the same things you are. Plus, you can have a few good friends in the clique and then other, more casual friends also. As the friendships shift and little arguments break out between people, you can shift your friendships around a little and still have the safety of the group.

  WARNING! Don’t ever go to a horror movie with a bunch of your friends! This would be a Sick Chick Flick Clique. Many states have outlawed these groups.

  But cliques can become a curse if gossip, rumors, backstabbing, and jealousy become a part of the way the group operates. This is pretty weird because girls are in cliques because they want friends, so why would they want to hurt anybody? If you’re wondering if your clique is good or evil, think about how you feel away from it. Do your friends make your life better or more of a drama? Do you feel as strong away from your friends as you do with your friends?

  If a clique fight breaks out, it can get ugly. For some reason, a girl in a clique fight will try to create an “army” for herself. Somehow the winner will be the girl who has more girls on HER side.

  If someone tries to recruit you into her Clique Army, avoid her, or if it’s remotely possible, try to make peace. (You just know the fight is over something stupid like a miscommunication, or an argument about whether pink is cooler than black.)

  Some cliques seem to exist only to tell the secrets of other people. Even though this is clearly wrong, it’s hard to resist a secret. There is something about things that are supposed to be “secret” that makes them more interesting. Even the most boring story is suddenly glamorous and charming if it is a secret!

  Questions That Girls in Cliques Ask Themselves

  “What’s my role in this group?”

  “Who took my lip gloss?

  “Do I have too many friends?”

  “Which one of us is prettiest (or smartest, best-dressed, nicest, etc.)?”

  Are You in a Clique?

  1. WATCH how people come to your group. Is it easy for a person to join your group at lunch without it being a big deal? Is it possible for a person to leave your group without there being any drama?

  2. LOOK at the people in your group of friends. Is it possible that any of the girls like the other members of the group just because of their clothes, looks, or popularity?

  3. LISTEN to the conversations that the people around you have. Is most of the talk about appearances? (How to look good, who looks good, who doesn’t look good, hey I look good, etc.)

  Secrets!

  “Secrets, secrets are no fun

  Unless you share with everyone!”

  —Lynn Adair

  Many experts think that the ability to keep a secret is the sign of a healthy mind. Starting about the age of 6 or 7, kids begin to understand the idea of keeping a secret, and in some cases, the idea of being trustworthy. So don’t expect a little kid to be able to keep a secret. They just don’t get it! A seven-year-old girl named Laura said it all: “I know what a secret is. It’s something you only tell one person at a time!”

  We think there are three kinds of secret keepers:

  The Vault: This girl can keep a secret, and she does! If a secret goes in, it will never come out again. She is a very rare breed. If you have a “vault” for a girlfriend, you’re fortunate. When you’re going to pop unless you tell someone something, this is the girlfriend to talk to.

  The Piggy Bank: These girls can keep a secret, but if someone pressures them, they will “break” open and spill their change —we mean secrets—all over the place. Although some of us are stronger Piggy Banks than others, most of us are in this category.

  The Open Door: This girl will keep a secret for up to an hour sometimes. Then she just can’t help herself! But if you’re lucky, she might only tell her secret to one person at a time.

  Which one are you? If you’re honest with yourself, and you don’t want to get in trouble, just ’fess up next time someone is getting ready to spill the beans!

  TIP: If you really are going to explode unless you tell someone a burning secret, and there are no Vaults available, try a pet. Most animals are trustworthy, although guinea pigs do have a bad reputation. You could also tell a parent or someone who lives in another town. That way the secret is out (whew!), but nobody will find out (probably).

  One thing we’ve always wondered about is when one of our friends wants to know one of our secrets. Sometimes a friend will even say that she has a “right” to know your secret. This has always cracked us up—unless the secret has to do with a life-or-death situation, or the person is a law-enforcement officer, nobody has a right to know your secrets!

  *“Eavesdropping” means to listen in on a conversation you’re not a part of. In England during the 1400s, eavesdropping was a crime that a person could be thrown into jail for!

  Gossip

  “The less you talk about others, the more people will listen if you do.”

  —Ebola Jones

  Gossip is what happens when two or more people talk about someone who isn’t there. You already know that gossip is bad, but it is also unavoidable. Girls just love to talk about other people! Check out these amazing gossip facts:

  *85 percent of gossip is about friends or acquaintances. (So you can plan that people are going to gossip about you sometime soon!)

  *65 percent of gossip reflects badly on the person being talked about. (So 35 percent of gossip is positive or neutral!)

  *55 percent of gossipers pass on to others whatever gossip they hear. The juicier the gossip, the more likely it will be passed along.)

  *28 percent of gossipers tell four or more people their gossip. (This is how gossip can start off true but quickly get exaggerated or changed.)

  Studies also show that people who are in a positive mood or who have high self-esteem usually pass along positive news about others. People who are feeling low tend to spread negative gossip about others.

  Gossip is really addictive. This might be because everyone knows that gossip is almost never accurate. So hearing some gossip is sort of like getting a piece in a puzzle. If you can just get enough pieces, you can solve the mystery of what really happened!

  How do you avoid gossip? You can’t. It’s impossible! BUT you can try to avoid contributing to negative gossip. Let’s say you’re in a big group of girls. The gossip starts, and you’re being practically invited to say something bad about another person behind her back. Here are some good neutral things to say:

  “I don’t know her very well.”

  “Who wants gum?”

  “It’s none of my business.”

  “Has anyone seen my loofah?”

  “She has her life, and I have mine.”

  Or, just shrug and roll your eyes.

  *DANGER! During a thunderstorm, it IS possible for lightning to travel through phone lines, which can electrocute someone talking on the phone! It happens rarely, but if a girl is on a corded phone, it is a possibility.

  Fun Stuff to Do

  “Anything, everything, little or big becomes an adventure when the right person shares it.”

  —Kathleen Norris

  It used to be that girls grew up to be homemakers, mothers, and cooks. Many girls still are all those things, but nowadays, girls can also grow up to be astronauts, police officers, d
octors, senators, even mailmen. Or should we say mailwomen. (Okay, letter carriers!) A girl can be whatever she wants to be!

  Hobbies

  Trying new things (or old things in a different way) is what life is all about. If you don’t already have a hobby or interest that makes you unique, get one! It could be related to cooking, sports, music, collecting, crafts, writing, painting, photography, community service, or anything you can imagine. Just try something new. Having a unique interest will set you apart from the pack and allow you to enjoy your “alone time” so you won’t spend it worrying about what everyone else is doing.

  Maybe you are interested in things that some people might think are stereotypical for girls. Take it to the next level! Be creative. Do you like buying clothes? Try making them! Maybe you will want to grow up to design them. Do you like to sing? Get a karaoke machine or join a choir. Maybe you will grow up to be a performance artist (okay, we all know you want to be a rock star!), or maybe you will teach voice lessons or become a speech therapist. If you think jewelry is fun to wear, take a class in designing and creating it. You can even start your own business selling it.

  A great way to express yourself is to make your own website. There are lots of free places where you can construct your own site, and you don’t have to learn HTML (computer code) to do it. Don’t get suckered into actually paying money at these places. Be sure to go for the “free” options as you make your choices. You can use your creativity to design your website to reflect you.[4]