The Big Book of Girl Stuff Read online

  “There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them.”

  —Vicki Baum

  First of all, if you think you don’t know how to dance, YOU’RE WRONG! All dancers (except the pros) fake it. You don’t need to know any moves. Listen to the music and make up your moves! Or just imitate what the other dancers are doing. One great trick is to mentally pretend that you are a train or a plane or any type of moving machinery. (Well, not any type. If you pretend you’re a blender while dancing, your friends may have to call 911.)

  If you are ever dancing and run out of moves, don’t panic! Use the same strategy. Just imagine that you are lifting rocks, shielding your eyes from the sun, skipping, boxing, catching a ball, mowing the lawn, taking a shower, surfing, getting rained on, or any other thing you can imagine. Then act it out with your body!

  Here are a few other favorite dances:

  The “I’m Surrounded by Jell-O” Dance

  Look around in confusion as you pretend that Jell-O surrounds you. Then make clumsy swimming motions with your arms and legs as you try to escape from it! Other fun substances to pretend you’re surrounded by include outer space, honey, taffy, and fire.

  Hippie Helicopter Dance

  Although this is a hippie dance that is all about trust and peace, it can also be dangerous! If you are going to dance like a hippie, it is best to do it where there’s grass (outside) or a sofa nearby (inside). Writer Chelsea Cain points out that this is because you might get dizzy and fall down while helicoptering, which can be painful!

  Borrow some Grateful Dead from your parents, Phish from your uncle, or String Cheese Incident from your hip friend. Put on your peasant dress or tie-dye. Kick off your Birkenstocks. Tilt your head back to look at the stars. (It doesn’t matter if there are no stars, because you are going to close your eyes next!)

  Stick out your arms and . . . start spinning! Spin in rhythm to the music, either clockwise or counterclockwise. Don’t go too fast. There’s nothing cuter than a girl doing the hippie dance, but there’s also nothing more hideous than a girl getting too dizzy and having to switch over to the “Lose Your Cookies Dance.”

  The Two-Step Mope

  When you’re in a bad mood and don’t feel like dancing, hang your head, leave your arms at your sides, and take a little step to the side, keeping beat with the music. Then take a little step back. Remember to keep a glum expression on your face.

  The Body Part Call-Out

  For this dance, you don’t need a partner, but you do need at least two friends. Pick someone as the Dance Master and spread out a little so that nobody is too near anything. Now put on some good dancing tunes. The Dance Master will call out a body part, such as right arm! The dancers now dance, but ONLY with that body part! The Dance Master will add body parts as the song goes along. And if she wants to, she can subtract body parts to get everyone to stop dancing.

  Do the Krump

  Many dance moves come from inner-city neighborhoods where creative kids come up with new dance ideas. For example, break dancing got its start with dance competitions in the South Bronx in the 1980s.

  Krumping began in the Los Angeles area when a performer named Tommy the Clown invented it to entertain children at birthday parties. Because a clown invented it, krumping is sometimes goofy and a little hard to describe. It combines elements of break dancing, fake fighting, and pretending that you have a severe illness. Krump moves include the whip and the wobble; there is a lot of chest thrusting and if you really get carried away with the spirit of the dancing, you are krumped!

  Q. Why do hula dancers wear grass skirts?

  A. Grass pants are too hard to zip up.

  Some of our other favorite dances include the following:

  Hip-hop

  The Prancing Unicorn

  Jazz

  The Electric Slide

  Funk

  Belly Dancing

  The Sprinkler

  The Lawnmower

  Hand Jive

  Cakewalk

  The Fandango

  The Frug

  Hula Dancing

  The Hustle

  Jive

  The Macarena

  Rumba

  The Shimmy

  The Twist

  Animal Dances

  The Turkey Trot

  The Donkey Kick

  The Bunny Hop

  The Camel Walk

  The Chicken Dance

  The Chicken Scratch

  The Fox Trot

  The Funky Chicken

  The Jitterbug

  The Kangaroo Dip

  The Manatee

  Be careful, as some of these dances can get you in trouble. Around 1920, a New Jersey woman was sentenced to 50 days in jail because she was caught doing the Turkey Trot.

  Cheerleading

  “We don’t live in a democracy, but a cheer-ocracy.”

  —from Bring It On

  Is cheerleading a sport? Well, you have to be an athlete to be a cheerleader—just try doing a back flip sometime! Cheerleading is being considered as an international Olympic event, and in most high schools and colleges, the faculty member in charge of the squad is called a “coach,” not an “advisor.”

  So maybe it’s not that big of a stretch to call it a sport that uses dance moves. Heck, the best athletes in your area might be cheerleaders. Of course, there are certain attitudes that some people have about cheerleaders. A cheerleader needs to be outgoing and full of energy. And because they are cheering and smiling no matter what the score is, some people think cheerleaders are sort of mindless or fake. Why are they getting so excited about something as meaningless as a game? But it doesn’t seem fair to pick on someone just for being positive and energetic!

  Besides, cheerleaders don’t just wave pom-poms around and say, “Go! Fight! Win!” (Although we’ve never heard a cheer that went “Run away! Give up! Lose!”) Cheerleaders can be high-flying stuntgirls who tumble, do gymnastics, and dance. It’s gotten to the point that cheerleading squads perform their routines at their own competitions. Audiences cheer the cheerleaders, not the game. That’s because at those competitions there is no game!

  Cheerleading might even be considered an extreme sport. In U.S. high schools, cheerleading injuries cause more days of school missed than football. Out of all girls’ sports, more than half of all bad accidents that occur are from cheerleading.

  Like other athletes, cheerleaders can’t wear jewelry while performing. Many squads also have strict hairstyle guidelines. Bangs and “wispies” can be dangerous because they might get in a girl’s eyes while she’s trying to catch another girl who’s falling through the air. “They’re as dangerous as a football player not wearing a helmet,” one cheerleading coach said.

  Busting an Illegal Move! In Ann Arbor, Michigan, a group of high school cheerleaders witnessed a hit-and-run accident. Because it’s easy to forget a license plate number, the cheerleaders began chanting it over and over until it was fixed in their memories. The man who had fled the scene of the accident was later found because of the cheerleaders’ skills!

  Make Up Your Own Cheers

  We have often enjoyed making up our own cheers and then putting together dance routines to go with them. Just pick a theme or mood and come up with a cheer.

  The Mean Cheer

  (Yell this cheer with a big, bright smile to throw people off!)

  Kill, kill!

  Maim, hate!

  Murder-mangle-mutilate!

  The Dynamite Cheer

  We are dynamite, our team is dynamite! We’re tick-tick- tick-tick- tick-tick- tick-tick-BOOM! Dynamite! Boom-boom! Dynamite!

  Airhead Cheer

  (Pretend you’re really vain and not-too-bright for this one.)

  Totally! For sure! I just got a manicure!

  Look up! Over there! That girl has really pretty hair!

  Go, go, fight, fight! Gee, I hope I look alright!

  Lies, Mean Girls, and Jerks

  “The only thing
worse than a liar is a bad liar.”

  —Lucy Liu

  Lies

  Everyone lies. Sometimes a person has to! For example, you might lie to a friend because you care about her feelings and being honest won’t be helpful. As one girl put it, “The truth hurts. That’s why I lie.” Adults call these kinds of lies “white lies.” But whatever color they are, are all lies bad? If a person tells a kindly fib, this might be the kind of lie that is okay. And as you know, girls often give each other kindly fibs so that their friends feel better about themselves.

  Unfortunately, most lies AREN’T kindly fibs, so when and where are you most likely to be lied to? Answer: When you’re on the phone. A study of liars found that about 30 percent of lies are told during phone calls, and 25 percent happen during face-to-face conversations. If a person uses Instant Messages or chat rooms, she will unload 20 percent of her lies there. If you want to know the truth, read your e-mail. The fewest lies show up in e-mail messages.

  There is a World’s Biggest Liar contest held each year. Contestants compete by telling stories, and judges decide whose lies are the most entertaining. In 2003, the winner of the Biggest Liar contest was later accused of cheating. See, the liars are supposed to make up their lies on the spot, and this liar prepared notes beforehand. Can you believe a liar would cheat?

  The Japanese have a pretty honest society. For instance, the Tokyo Lost and Found Center has about $20 million in cash turned into it each year by people who find lost wallets and purses. Most of this money makes it back to the original owners!

  How to Spot a Liar

  Girls are often good at “reading people.” This means they can sometimes sense when a lie is being told. How? Below are some of the signs that you may already be able to spot without even thinking about it. (BTW, there is no single rule about lying that applies to everyone. Noticing any of the following doesn’t prove the person is lying.)

  Eyes: It’s been said that a liar can’t look you in the eye. This isn’t true. It’s possible to lie with normal eye contact. But if the person can’t look away from you OR can’t look at you, then she MAY be lying.

  If the person’s eye starts twitching, she’s probably nervous about something. Also, some people believe that right-handed liars look toward their left when they lie and left-handed liars look toward their right. Finally, liars really DO blink more than normal!

  Voice: It is stressful to lie, so a liar’s voice tends to go higher than normal. Liars also tend to talk fast. However, if the liar has to invent a lie on the spot, he will slow way down and look upwards as he searches for the best story.

  If the person is really feeling the stress, there may be stuttering and a lot of pauses and mumbling. Liars also use “filler words” like: er, um, duh, uh, or help me I’m a big fat liar.

  Fake Smiles and Fake Laughing: It isn’t THAT hard to spot a fake smile, because liars only smile with their mouth. What we mean is that a true smile affects the whole face, so that the corners of the eyes will “crinkle” up and you can see the smile in the eyes. If a person has a thin-lipped, clenched-teeth smile that doesn’t crinkle the eyes, it’s probably a fake!

  Which girl is really smiling?

  Another giveaway is if the person sucks her lips in OR licks her lips a lot.

  As for laughter, a laugh is only real if the person closes his eyes as he laughs. If your suspect starts laughing but is watching you with open eyes when he does, look out! He might be a lying laugher. (Or a laughing liar!)

  Micro-Expressions: Most facial expressions (smiles, grimaces, sneers, etc.) only last about a second. But a micro-expression is what happens when a person is lying and she is trying NOT to make an expression. These micro-expression may last one-fifth of a second. Even a good liar will sometimes have these fast little facial expressions, especially when she is asked a question and answers it with a lie. It may be a smile or frown, or a look away.

  Body Language: Some liars use much more body language than truth-tellers. They tend to touch, rub, or tug on their ears, nose, and eyes, as well as readjusting their clothes.

  But a liar who feels really defensive may have fewer hand gestures than usual, or his hands may go into his pockets and never come out. A defensive liar like this may cross his legs and arms. If he’s seated, his legs may bounce and twitch.

  Word Use: Liars tend to use phrases like “To tell the truth,” “Really,” “Honestly,” “Actually,” “No kidding,” “Seriously,” more than usual. Other statements to beware of include:

  “Trust me.”

  “Why would I lie?”

  “I swear on my sock drawer.”

  “I’d never lie to you.”

  “You can ask anyone!”

  “I’ve never told a lie in my life, and I’m not going to start now.”

  A person who ends their statement with “All right?” “Don’t you agree?” “You know what I’m talking about?” or other questions that try to get you to agree with what she said is also possibly lying. Or she may just be insecure.

  Finally, a person who is lying uses contractions less, and emphasizes their denials. For example, instead of saying “I didn’t do it,” she will say “I did NOT do it!”

  *If a person has pseudomania, he has a compulsion to lie even when there’s no reason to. Does this sound like anyone you know? They are also called compulsive liars, but that is not as fun to say as pseudomaniacs.

  *A survey of people in Italy found that Italians tell between 5 to 10 lies a day. In that country, the number one lie was “Don’t worry; it’s been taken care of.” In second place was “It’s nice to see you.”

  How to Lie

  Don’t lie! This will save you a lot of trouble. But if you have to tell a kindly fib, just avoid the common mistakes listed above. The key to telling a lie is to believe it. Sadly, if you tell yourself a lie enough times, it will seem like the truth to you. This doesn’t mean that you pretend to believe the lie; this means that you actually believe it. You’re basically brainwashing yourself. Although washing is healthy, brainwashing isn’t. So don’t lie!

  A Shocker! Despite the song, a liar’s pants rarely catch on fire.

  Mean Girls

  “Mean girls are like milk that gets left out of the refrigerator too long. They started out good, but then they turned sour.”Amanda Rutabaga

  Where do Mean Girls come from? Do they wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and decide, “I’m going to be mean”? Or does a fairy come by and sprinkle magical “Mean Girl” fairy dust on them? Nobody knows. But this section of the book is dedicated to the question: Bad girls, bad girls, whatcha gonna do?

  Mean Girls are not exactly bullies. Of course, there are some Mean Girls who might actually punch you. (They are called “Cave Girls.”) But since girls are different from boys, girl bullies are often different from boy bullies. For example, Mean Girls can actually be nice when someone is watching. But because they’re so sneaky and sly, it can be hard for an outsider to spot Mean Girls being mean.

  One Mean Girl technique is to get all her friends to hate her “enemy.” To get everyone on her side, the Mean Girl might try to “scapegoat” her victim. (A scapegoat is someone who gets blamed for everything that is wrong, whether it is her fault or not.) Everything the scapegoat does is WRONG. If she has long hair, it should be short. If she raises her hand in class, she is a show-off. If she is quiet, she is stuck-up. Scapegoats get harassed with name-calling, cold shoulders, rumors, and teasing. It’s so stupid.

  Which girl is really smiling?

  No Kidding! Don’t you hate it when a Mean Girl says something mean, and then adds, “Just kidding.” Like that helps!

  Which girl is really smiling?

  But why do some girls get picked on? It might just be because they are different and they dare to be themselves. It’s like the Mean Girls are the Perfection Police, and they decide what is okay and what isn’t. They will pick on girls who are too smart, or not smart enough, or too pretty, or not pretty enough
, or overweight, or really funny or whatever. A girl who really is herself might annoy a Mean Girl who kissed her brain good-bye just to be “popular.”

  Someday you may find yourself the victim of a group of Mean Girls. They might say nasty things about you or write anonymous notes that put you down. Sure, we’ve all been told that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Mean Girls have proven what a load of baloney that is! If someone says something mean, it can hurt for years.

  *When Queen Elizabeth I (1533–1603) found out who had published a nasty pamphlet about her, she had the authors’ right hands cut off. Now there’s an idea! (Or not.)

  For the moment, let’s say that a Mean Girl is treating you badly. You can just silently take her abuse, which isn’t very healthy or satisfying. Or you can do something about it. Here are some strategies for your action plan:

  Tell an adult and get help. Sure, he or she would have to be pretty “with it” to know how to help. But still.

  Avoid the Mean Girls when possible. (Duh!)